If only I can turn back time

The Planet is always turning,
just like how time never stops,
human continues to learn,
meeting of new friends,
losing other old friends,
people changing,
events happening,
seasons to seasons,
human aging,
life and death.

and all this events adds up into our life,
every single events significant or not,
whether we notice it or not,
it contributes to who we are today.

Time will never go the other way around.

I was thinking, about all this events, and sadly I don't think i have made much wise decision throughout my 18 years of life.
Looking back, I did lose out a lot of my time wasting my life on the so called "slack and enjoy " times.
For the pass 3 years ,I have been feeling terrible inside, it feels as if my heart is trapped in a crate. I lacked the ability to love, this is not me, i used to be much more carefree and outgoing.
Why have it come to a point whereby, everyday is a struggle in my heart?
I will often ask myself "what really is the problem?"
But deep down I know what the problem is.
It is a problem i can never face again.

Let me tell you my story,

At the age of 13 I got to know this girl,
she was sweet she was nice, she was what I really wanted
we were really close for the next 4 to 5 years
in between, we had our ups and downs
many times I really wanted to let my feelings be known to her
however, shy as I am I did not

you are right this is another typical "Regret story"
but just let me continue...

there was a period when we will have phone conversation for up to 4 or 5 hours daily
I was positive that I really liked her
parts of my heart thought that she had feelings for me too
however most of my heart told me that she just takes me as a good friend
I saw her through many relationships with her boyfriends
It was a hard thing to do, but I wanted to be there for her
she will often complain about how her boyfriend just scolded her
how she just quarreled with her boyfriend
in tears, she will tell me that she just broke up with her boyfriend
many times I encourage her to break up with her boyfriend
maybe it's because that will open a gate for me
or maybe I really just want her to be happy
I used to listen to this song "Let Me Love You"by Mario
this song is just what I really wanted to tell her
I even tried to forget her by going out with another girl
however, without feelings everything is just empty
my crush for her lasted for close to 4 years
and now we are labeled "Best friends"
she once told me that she will never go out with her best friend
because boy friend don't last forever
but best friends last forever

Until now, the burden is like a tattoo.
It will forever be in my heart, or maybe it will pass after a good 10 years?
or perhaps someone will make me forget his memories.

If only I can turn back time, I would prevent this regret from happening.
I would have told her how I felt, I won't be that shy boy.

I would not be feeling so trapped, so helpless.

I may not be who I am today.